My Saturday # 21. Too expensive to be able to wrestle an alligator?

I finally signed up to meet with a personal trainer at the gym… well, I signed up for a "free consultation" anyway. "FREE" is one word that always captures my attention. The statements "2 FOR ONE" or "BUY ONE GET ONE FREE" usually snags me in too.

This time I was roped into a 30 min sit-down consultation to discuss my fitness and nutrition goals. If I agreed to this consultation, I would get a "FREE" 30 min weight training session with a personal trainer. "Yep, I'll do it!" I was tired of the strange looks from the PT's as I lifted weights. It was obvious I didn't know how to properly do an ab curl without my neck getting whip-lash, and I was a floor magnet during squat routines. Balance issues! I'm sure the PT's have been eyeing my exercise talents for weeks, just waiting to get their claws on me to throw out their sales pitch.

I sat down for my 30 min chat with a huge muscular guy. He asked me what I wanted to accomplish over the next 6 months.

"Well.." I said, "I'd like to fix up my house and maybe take a few art classes..."

“Ah, I mean what do you want to accomplish in the areas of nutrition and fitness?”

"Oh!"

I told him I would eliminate sugar and starchy foods for 6 months. How realistic is that, seriously? Completely eliminating sugar? I would walk a mile for a Pop Tart sometimes.

"I will also drink more water!" I told him.

Turns out what he wanted me to say is something like.. I will run a marathon in 3 months, or I will train for Iron Woman or Tour de France... or I will scale a cliff with my bare feet or wrestle an alligator in the Florida Keys.



"You need to begin with baby steps Jennifer."

We then walked over to a machine where he threw on a 75 pounder. I put my shoulders under the padded cushion and raised the bar for a few reps. Next.. 25 squats around the gym and then a few reps on the ab machine. Finally, he told me to sit down and push abt. 90 lbs forward for a "little shoulder exercise." I couldn’t even budge the bar on my first try. When I finally pushed it ahead 2-3 inches I said, "This is way too heavy for me." I think he was trying to be a macho trainer because he said, "You can do it. I have faith in you. Reach for the gold Jennifer!" Huh? This isn't the Olympics! I then pictured myself trying to push the weight just to please this guy as both of my arms snapped in half.

I tried it one more time... my arms shook violently and I’m sure my face looked like a red balloon ready to pop. I felt my checks completely inflate as I tried to move the bar forward while holding my breath. I then let out a huge grunt and the air blew out of my flapping checks. I did it! One full rep! Now I can qualify for the Olympics! I was totally shaking and sweating as I let the weight back down.



The trainer stared at me with bulging eyes. "I guess he's probably not going to ask me on a date after seeing that," I thought.

“Well.. maybe one rep is enough Jennifer.”

"Ha! I told you." I said. "Remember the 'baby steps' talk?"

Needless to say, I wasn't able to walk normally for 3 days due to the squats and my arm muscles have been twitching on and off. It was actually a good workout, except for the 90 pound push. I’m realizing my body has been in “off mode” for years.

My free session ended with a 10 min talk about costs, etc.. $999 for six months! I'm sure the benefits are worth it but for $999?

The oxygen was slowly starting to come back into my brain... “How much did you say this package is?” I said.

"It's a steal!" He said.

Ahh.. "No thanks, but... thanks for the free workout!"

Maybe I can create my own plan for $9.99?